Jane Dorlester

In both my individual and couples' work, I will help you identify and connect with your own or your partner’s intrinsic energy, assist you in recalling what initially attracted you to your partner, and help you move past betrayals and hurt feelings. My work in bereavement has made me aware of the pivotal role human connection plays in living a fulfilled life.

Bereavement groups are widely considered to be the best therapeutic forum for coping with the loss of a loved one. Each group will be different in style and content due to the varying needs and backgrounds of its members, and of course also the approach of the group facilitator.

What all bereavement groups should provide for each member is the opportunity to share his or her feelings of grief while learning about the grieving process through hearing the experiences of others. The facilitator will also help to identify normal grief responses and suggest ways to encourage healing. During the course of the weeks or months of group sessions the confusion and loneliness of grief can be lessened significantly, and the group members can share not just feelings of loss and sadness, but also of hope and healing.

In my practice, I organize bereavement groups for general need rather than structuring them around particular types of loss or other commonalities among the bereaved. I find that group members with different losses make emotional connections that I as a group leader could never predict. What is important is that every member of the group have a loss due to death. From that commonality connections will be made even if the losses are different.

Members with different losses make emotional connections that I as a group leader could never predict. Here is some of what you can expect by participating in the group:

• Meetings in person or virtually, facilitated by a compassionate grief professional
• Find the tools you need to help you grow and heal
• Share your experiences, thoughts, and feelings
• Talk with others in the same situation
• Learn more about what to expect from your grief
• Find healing and comfort through Alexander Technique and relaxation exercises

A self-help group is based on the model that everyone in the group shares a common theme. A bereavement group also has that characteristic. However a self-help group does not have a professional leader. It is often led by a member of the group who has had a loss some time ago, not recently. The leader of a self-help group may or may not have had professional training in leading groups. A professionally led bereavement group is led by a licensed mental health clinician who is trained to make assessments on what are normal reactions to grief and what requires further intervention.

A therapy group's focus is not on bereavement. Members may speak about any topic they wish. In a bereavement group the leader makes the demand that the topic of discussion is bereavement and does not let the focus stray. For example, in a group therapy session members often discuss group process, while in a bereavement group this is not thought to be helpful to members' journeys in grief. Also, a self-help group may go on indefinitely. For some this is not a good dynamic because it encourages participants to get lost in their grief. People may attend a self-help group for many years, while a bereavement group is time limited and members are encouraged not to focus just on their grief but to involve themselves in their lives.

A bereavement group is the treatment of choice in the case of a loss. It provides a normalization of the experience. Everyone in the group has experienced a loss. This helps every member feel less alone in their pain and discomfort. However, the very fact that everyone is in pain and feeling a loss acutely makes it difficult at times for members to witness that pain. The very dynamic that makes the group work may not be right for you. Ask yourself these self-screening questions:

• Would I be comforted by others also experiencing a loss?
• Would I feel overwhelmed because I myself am in too much pain?
• Can I be there for others who are also in pain and honor their loss?

Each circumstance of death is unique. If the death was anticipated following a long illness, one would say that you had time to prepare for the loss. You have had anticipatory grief. If the death was sudden you may be in a state of shock and not ready to deal with the emotional consequences of the loss. You may need your psychic energy to take care of mundane details and organize all your paperwork. Either way, there are no rules. You should feel free to make your own self-assessment. Only you can make the decision about when you feel ready to join a bereavement group.

Sessions occur on Thursday beginning September 18th, from 6-7:30pm (no meeting October 2nd). Contact me if interested in joining. This group meets in person, but please let me know if you are interested in a virtual group. Groups meet for 8 weeks virtually, led by a compassionate and experienced grief professional.

Individual My session fee is $200/session. I accept cash, check, or credit. A sliding fee scale based on annual income may be considered for clients who experience financial hardship. Please reach out for more information.

Couples My session fee is $220/session. I accept cash, check, or credit.

Bereavement group The fee for the entire bereavement group (8 sessions) is $520 ($65 a session)

Do you accept health insurance? I am out of network with all insurance companies. However I can generate insurance forms and file them electronically on your behalf.

Sometimes because of developmental factors (you were a child at the time of loss, you were a self involved teenager, you were pregnant, or had a young child at home, you were away at college, or somehow you were not in a safe place emotionally to mourn or experience difficult feelings), we do not mourn the loss of our loved one at the time of death. The bereavement group provides a safe structured place to look into painful feelings of mourning. For the time it meets the group becomes a structured environment that organizes for you a place and time to mourn.

Alexander Technique is a gentle non-invasive technique that helps you to identify your habitual patterns of posture. Traditionally, Alexander Technique has been used by performers, such as actors or musicians, to increase their physical usage while managing fatigue and pain.

Alexander Technique can also be used to locate physical manifestations of emotional distress. The first step in this process is awareness. Identifying how you stand when you are depressed, anxious, or under stress, in combination with insight oriented psychotherapy, is a powerful intervention for managing your feelings and making actual changes in your attitude. Becoming aware of habitual patterns of holding helps you to inhabit and direct your body into a new way of being, surpassing old ways of holding the body that reflect childhood traumas, emotional and/or physical abuse.

A look into my office setup reveals how I work. There are two comfortable chairs facing one another and a massage table. When the client begins the session they sit down and have an opportunity to share the narrative of their life since the last session (usually once a week). As in any insight therapy, I the therapist am listening intently and offering any reactions I might have to what they are relating, often using illustrative metaphors. It is my intention to communicate authentic concern and I make the demand upon myself to be present and emotionally available to every client in every session. I am organizing my listening towards the content of what is being said as well as the style of how it is being said. For example, is the person telling a sad story and smiling? I might gently point out the disassociation between what they are saying and how they are expressing the feeling. At some juncture in the session I work with the client to identify an emotional theme and suggest a transition to the massage table, where I use the principles of Alexander Technique to gently trace the theme onto how it is expressed in the body. Through this process I am making the client aware of holding patterns which are emotionally historical and perhaps appropriate at the time of trauma, but no longer necessary. During this part of the session I will give them the opportunity to gently release through direction these habitual patterns of tension holding.

I have extensive experience in individual therapy, couples therapy, and group therapy, as well as issues of bereavement. My interventions stem from a long-held professional belief in the value of body-oriented somatic treatment. Suppose you and your partner struggle with repetitive arguing, stress, and anxiety, and/or a lack of rapport, warmth, affection, and/or trust/ betrayal within your relationship. I can help you identify the issues that prevent you from connecting and remind you of what initially brought you together. In both my individual and couples' work, I will help you identify and connect with your own or your partner’s intrinsic energy, assist you in recalling what initially attracted you to your partner, and help you move past betrayals and hurt feelings. I can help you improve your relationship. Your partner is your friend, someone with whom you confide, trust, and share laughter. However, relationships change over time, contracting and expanding. If you need a reboot, I can help you identify the issues between you that prevent you from connecting with the person you fell in love with at the beginning.